Merchandise
|
This page is in the midst of a period of great transition and upheaval, not unlike puberty, but with fewer uninvited erections. Which is not to say "none." I'm working on transferring everything over to RandomThings.Co, so that you can order directly from the source and I will no longer have to keep anything in stock. It's going to be much more convenient and save you a lot of hassle and me a lot of belaboured excuses...
|
All merch (DVDs aside) shown here and any and all forthcoming clothing options can be purchased from the fine, Wellknown folks at RandomThings.co
"Firm But Gentle: The Danny Havoc Story"
From 2005 (The Summer of Love) through 2007 (The Summer of the Great Gopher Upheaval), Norwegian-inspired Iowa Folk Rockers 'The Danny Havoc Experience' took the nation by storm, enlisting the aid of an assortment of commonplace items that could never be considered weapons outside of the realm of professional wrestling. Now, for the first time ever, on this blasphemous contraption of vile sorcery, you can ride along with the DHE and relive this era as it was MEANT TO BE RELIVED!!! Enjoy America's Most Stupendous Fighting Hero, Daniel Tiberius Havoc, as he engages in fake mortal combat with some of the worlds' most villainous communists--All from the comfort and quiet, unspoken melancholy of your own home!
Watch the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=gyCZGnQ_2fI
"Reflections, Memoirs, and Musings of a Drug-Crazed Sheep Killer: The Danny Havoc Story Vol. 2"
I think that we can all agree that there's nobody who deserves a second "Best Of" DVD less than me, but FUCK YOU cuz HERE IT IS ANYWAY!
What critics are saying about DH Vol. 2:
"It's an emotional roller coaster...like a speedball in interview form!"
"Bitterness and condoning substance abuse has never been so fun and light-hearted...a real masterpiece of contemporary American cinema"
"I liked the SHOWGIRLS special edition DVD better..."
Watch the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=JdgjAQC0MUk
"Surprisingly Durable: The Danny Havoc Story Volume 3" (Available in DVD or Download formats)
Unbelievably, SMV has allowed me yet another opportunity to prattle on ridiculously and bury myself in a public forum. At over 270 minutes, if you manage to sit through the entirety of the interview, you almost certainly don't have a job. You can download the audio of the aforementioned interview on from Smartmarkvideo.com, or buy the DVD and get the 6 bonus matches included (which I strongly recommend...plus, I get a bigger cut that way).
Watch the trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUzyAEhJIfA&feature=youtu.be
DVLH "NOI Vs. Wisconsin"
On Feb. 2013, famed party trio and occasional professional wrestlers, the Nation of Intoxication, flew out to Wisconsin under the pretense of filming an extensive series of interviews about indy wrestling and sleaze.
What actually transpired (to the surprise of no one) was that the itinerary set out for them was almost immediately discarded in favor of an ill-advised exercise in excessive binge-drinking.
The resulting footage--though not remotely what DVLH executives had envisioned--provides an amusing and authentic insight into the men who make up one of wrestling's most controversial stables.
Watch as the "Notorious Scumbag" discovers his untapped potential as a bartender...Find out how many drinks it takes for the "Alpha Predator" to strip down to his boxers and start threatening strangers...witness the "Deathmatch Drunkard" slowly (read as: quickly) unravel into an unintelligible mess after being told that drinks are on the house...
A production of Death Vs. Luke Hadley
DANNY HAVOC - AMERICAN MOST CRAZY POSTER
Two sizes available 11" x 17" and 22" x 34"
We have received many crazy requests but this one is down right AWESOME!
Now available for pre-order
Danny Havoc's DEATHMATCH hoodie!!!
This is a BLACK 8oz. 50/50 blend hooded sweatshirt screen printed with DEATHMATCH logo on the back.
Available in both pull over hood and a full-zip hooded sweat jacket
American MOST CRAZY!
Deathmatch Viking
DANGER + MADNESS
REFUSE to DIE
BJW 2014 Tour Shirt
Just in time for drunken summer tomfoolery, we here at the RT.co family are proud to unveil the NATION OF INTOXICATION Logo Tank Top! Sleeves only hinder your ability to raise a can of frothy brew to your lips...Do Away With Them! Show off those guns while making incredibly bad decisions under the influence of the demon rum...don't worry, you can't regret what you don't remember!
Nation of Intoxication Hockey Team Jersey.
First seen at CZW Cage of Death XV!
Available Individually or Get All 3 Jerseys with the COMBO!
Black jersey with a screen printed logo and heat applied name and number on back.This is a pre-order item and will be custom made to fill each order.
"Be the coolest kid on your block by rocking the officially DH-Sponsored awesomeness that is this DEATHMATCH SHIRT! Stop traffic as people foolishly brake in the middle of busy intersections to puzzle over what the hell a "Death Match" is! Cause huge 10-to-20 car pileups! Hopefully a school bus will be involved! The more dead children, the better! Their screams will carry for miles in the stillness of the night air! No more birthdays for little Billy, EVER AGAIN!!! The world is becoming increasingly overcrowded...BUY NOW, and BE PART OF THE SOLUTION!"
Amendment: What was once a shirt, complete with two sleeves, is now also a TANKTOP! Sure, the old model will be more likely to help you stay warm as you struggle to find food in the nuclear winter that is likely impending, when the sky turns black and ashes rain down so thickly you can scarcely see the child you're hunting for dinner, but if you're going to go around wearing all that extra fabric, then WHAT THE HELL DID YOU GO TO THE GYM FOR?!?
It was a long time in the making, but the Nation of Intoxication OFFICIAL LOGO (the front bit) is FINALLY DONE! The back features a very cool, probably-fairly-subversive-by-contemporary-standards flag design that looks vaguely like another flag I once saw... Hmm. However, for some reason (I'm looking at you, Wellknown...), it features fourteen stripes instead of the traditional thirteen. Perhaps the tech-savvy printing half of our DynamicDesign Duo (alliteration totally intended) harbors a strong-but-unexpressed feeling that Puerto Rico is under-appreciated? Who can say. What I will say is: This shirt is kickass. All due humility. And you ought to buy it, because who falls off of more stuff for your entertainment dollar than the 3 amigos who comprise the Nation of Intoxication? Evel Knievel doesn't count, he's dead.
Danny Havoc is many things...Professional wrestler, aspiring artist, internet predator, cave-dwelling hate-monger, deluded egomaniac who writes in the third person...but perhaps what he will be most remembered for are the crowning achievements made in the field of torture reform during his reign as CHIEF ROYAL MINOTAUR of LUCIFER.
On a platform of progressive and visionary policies that would go on to revolutionize the field of eternal damnation, CRM Havoc has cemented for himself an unparalleled legacy of horrors and atrocities that make the underworld our parents feared seem like a drizzly day at Coney Island by comparison (which, to be fair, is a pretty shit place, in its own right).
Now, at long last, you can stylishly show your support for his unrivaled reign of terror by sporting this OFFICIALLY-LICENSED COMMEMORATIVE TEE-SHIRT, featuring a stunningly accurate self-portrait of the man/Minotaur that Satan has called, "my best advisor since Menachem Begin..."
Buy it today! For only $20 USD (+S/H), you can't afford NOT to buy it!*
*This statement has not been evaluated or verified by any economists or mathematicians. Believe at your own risk.
From the desk of Daniel Tiberius Havoc:
Now, I'm not one to pat myself on the back (I have servants for that sort of thing), but this whole "Nation of Intoxication" idea was pretty damned clever of me. On par with the introduction of irrigation and the harnessing of electricity, I'd say (with all due humility). I mean, I enjoy being a wrestler and all, but who wants to be burdened with all that WRESTLING?!? No sir, I'm a man on the go, with many an iron in many a fire, some of which Devon Moore has no doubt pilfered to burn his last remaining bridges...
Then it hit me: I'm a gentleman of leisure, and have been known to enjoy a quiet cocktail with some of the lads down the social club on occasion...why not pair business with pleasure? By cleverly masking my true intentions under the guise of forming a new wrestling trio, I've managed to give myself and my two closest colleagues an excuse to indulge some of our saucier whims on the job...and get PAID TO DO IT!
And here's the kicker, my dear friends: Our employers are none the wiser! Indeed, our ulterior motivations of imbibement and tomfoolery remain a complete mystery to them!! As far as they're aware, Daniel T. Havoc, Devon Moore, and Lucky13 are just three consummate professionals, with nary a thought in our heads unrelated to hard work and fulfilling the terms of our employment to the utmost! Har har har, what a brilliantly-concocted ruse, indeed!
Now then, I've extended you a generous amount of trust, letting you in on this little secret... SO, in order to assure your complete discretion with the information mentioned, I'll need for you to purchase this dashing blouse to act as a seal on the bond of trust we've just entered into.
Discontinued Merchandise
Not Currently Available, But Listed Here For Posterity's Sake.
Apart from the fact that Scotty decided to take a break from pro wrestling immediately after I ordered the design, this shirt is still the cat's meow! What more could you want from a torso-sheath? Faces! Booze! Letters! Black! Even some white! My god, YOU should be paying ME to wear this! And--oh yeah--you're going to! Yay! Look at the wisdom of Devon Moore...the velociraptor roar of Scotty Vortekz...the adorable tongue-display of Lucky13...the overworn HELM BAR hat of Danny Havoc...It's a pedophile's utopian dream! BUY IT! I've used almost my entire allotment of exclamation points to sell you on the excitement of this purchase...DON'T YOU DARE DISAPPOINT ME!!!
THESE SHIRTS ARE THE ONLY PROVEN-EFFECTIVE DEFENSE AGAINST CANCER-CAUSING PARASITIC BRAIN SLUGS! BUY ONE NOW BEFORE THEY SLIME THEIR WAY INTO YOUR EAR CANAL AND TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE! SURE, MAYBE THE ANIMORPHS CAN SAVE YOU, BUT WHY TAKE THAT CHANCE?!? PREVENTION IS THE ONLY SURE-FIRE WAY TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!
ORDER TODAY!!!
The official Danny Havoc t-shirt, complete with two sleeves and a tag (only the best for my friends and fans). Manufactured out of 100% whaleskin by frequently-molested Malaysian children, this shirt is available at the gimmick table at any show I might be on. If you are interested in a shirt and can't be bothered to attend any shows, feel free to e-mail me at typicalnondescriptusername@yahoo.com for further instructions. Or, if you don't have a computer, but live near Malaysia, go straight to the source. They're dirt-cheap over there. And tell Hadjii I'll be seeing him again, real soon. See if it makes him cry.
Danny Havoc, FATHER of our GREAT COMMONWEALTH and SOVEREIGN PROTECTOR of the GLORY of the REPUBLIC, having FREED the OPPRESSED MASSES from beneath the YOLK of TYRANNY under which we have SO LONG TOILED, asks only in gratitude your UNDYING LOYALTY and UNFLINCHING OBEDIENCE as he SINGLE-HANDEDLY wages a TRIUMPHANT WAR against the IMPERIALIST DOGS who would once again see our BROTHERHOOD OF LIBERTY be TORN ASUNDER and our LOVING CHILDREN TRAMPLED under their VILE, HEATHEN BOOTS. It is with GREAT PLEASURE and PRIDE that we FREELY OFFER UP all of our WORLDLY POSSESSIONS so that HE might CONTINUE the VALIANT BATTLE that we CANNOT HOPE TO WIN WTHOUT HIS HEROISM and HANDSOME BEARDLINESS!
BUY THIS SHIRT, and BE A PART of the NOBLEST CAUSE a member of your lowly caste COULD EVER HOPE TO CONTRIBUTE TO!!! BAND TOGETHER, COMRADES, and PAY HOMAGE to OUR GLORIOUS LEADER!
"The Nation of Intoxication--Old #24: Ultraviolent Brand" design represents a wonderful fantasy that seems brilliant on paper, but is an impossibility in the harsh world of the real (much like communism). Sure, the Nation are a famed party trio comprised of dashing international playboys that turn women's hearts to putty and their loins to tsunamis... Their lives are the stuff of a wino's final dream, just before he's embraced by the icy Spectre of Death and the bottle drops from his hand, never to be sipped from again... When Joan Osborne whimsically posed the question, "What if God was one of us?," the faces of Devon Moore, Danny Havoc, and Lucky13 were the physical manifestations that every pop radio listener simultaneously envisioned... And in spite of all this alcohol-fueled AWESOMENESS,still NO-ONE has capitalized on their SuperStardom and launched an OFFICIAL "Nation of Intoxication" brand of whiskey or scotch?!? It would seem to be the single greatest oversight in the history of capitalism, on the surface. But for those who pause for a moment to ponder this mystery, the answer becomes quickly evident...If there were a Nation Brand Liquor, then these world-renowned drinkers would undoubtedly be quick to make a claim of Intellectual Property, and immediately take control of the production facilities, after which they would quickly drink away the product and the profits and leave only an abandoned distillery and a slew of displaced workers in their path. It could never be. And so, faced with the grim reality of this inevitable series of events, we can only dream of a world with broader possibilities, and wear shirts like this one to let us indulge our fantasy.